Miscellaneous Forum

My brother is five months into a 13 month general contract in Afghanistan. He wants to rent a beach side vacation home mid- August through mid-Sept in Ecuador. He and his wife are researching and planning. The idea is to rent a 5 -6 room beach house and invite all family to vacation with him. Herein lies the problem: I want to go, but I'm picky. If he chooses a gauche Miami Beach-esque setting, NO! It's850 per person from where i live to get to Ecuador. I expect a setting more local and traditional for my money and vacation time. And yet I'm not the one shelling out the money for the beach rental; he is. Was going to send my brother and his wife this email. QUESTION BEFORE I HIT ENTER: Is this rude?!?! ***** This is awesome. I'm very excited... This is not meant to be snotty, but here goes: I've turned 51 and i've been to 50 countries. I haven't been to Ecuador. In short, I'm intrigued to add a country under my belt! That said, however, 'locale' will be important to me. If you find a resort town that is low-scale, local, laid back and not towering with large hotel buildings, count me & hubby in. If you go the mass tourism hub - the equivalent of the South Beach of Ecuador(mass tourism infrastructure with towering buildings on a beach) .... we would be less inclined because from where we live, the airfare is850 per person x 2 =1700 The two of us could spend500 for the two of us for a week stay at Myrtle Beach -- and they speak English! Please take in the spirit intended.... Nothing wrong with Myrtle Beach, where they speak English! And it's your money. Stay where you want to stay! But to spend that kind of money and use up vacation time, we'd want to see something marginally authentic and representitive of the host country. Let me know if you need research assistance as I have friends that travel lots!

fair enough BUT is he at all depending on you to pay your share so he can afford it?

oh i see - he is paying for the rental do you really like your brother? i really really like my brother but our tastes are so different i usually regret doing anything he has organised - and it always seems to cost me way more than i had budgeted for because he spends money like a drunken sailor and gaily ordewrs extras etc but that is my brother you know your brother, do you know him wsell? do you trust him?

Uhm... I like my brother. Do i trust my brother's taste?!?!?! Uhh....mmm... Wait: Do I trust his WIFE'S taste!? That is more likely my concern. I've been advised that my email is RUDE and so I've deleted it. I think what I need to do is 'help them research' with helpful links of rentals in areas that are more suited to low-scale / eco-friendly tourism. But he's picking up the house tab. 100%. Be a pity if I didn't show my face! ; )

I get a super-rude vibe from that email. And that's the problem with email- the tone is always going to be interpreted differently by the person who reads it. I would nix the stuff about how you've been to fifty-one countries, Myrtle Beach and whatnot, and just say, "I'd love to see you guys in Ecuador! Things have been pretty stressful around here lately (though surely nothing like Afghanistan!) and we'd already made some plans to use our vacation time to relax. We could definitely adjust our plans to meet with you in a place like (suggestion #1) or (suggestion #2), but I don't think we're up for dealing with the Spring Break-ish crowds in Caye Culker. If you're able to find a rental that is a bit off the beaten track let us know! Can't wait!"

My brother is five months into a 13 month general contract in Afghanistan. He wants to rent a beach side vacation home mid- August through mid-Sept in Ecuador.... and he wants me to go too. Unforunately, my bail conditions mean I cannot leave the country. Does anyone know someone who is able to forge a US passport so that I can enjoy this trip to South America, with a view to staying there permanently?

Thanks, Jetgirly. You hit it on the head. I will crib, with your permission. I was in a snotty snarky mood reading that email because I get this feeling that his wife will go South Beach in Ecuador and I want to avoid that. But they are paying and so... it is what it is. THANKS SO MUCH!!!!

That really was rude. If he is paying, that is. If you are chipping in that is a bit different but I still don't think it's up to you to set the parimeters of HIS vacation home. Hope it all works out.

Yeah. It was really rude. I was in a bad mood. I'm glad I didn't hit enter or I'd be going to Myrtle Beach!

If he is paying for this vacation home rental and he invites you to be his guest then either go because you wish to be with your brother, and then explore on your own if you do not like where he stays, or tell him straight forward that you cannot afford the air fare and therefore you will not be able to join him and his family till he comes back to the US from Afghanistan. Straight and simple. Nothing to be rude about it and if he does not understand then oh well you will see him when his 13 month contract is up.

Jen: I just realized where the rude / anxiety comes from. It's not that I don't like my brother, but I completely forgot I can't handle TRAVELLING with my brother. Two VERY miserable trips - the UK and Burma - at his hands. He is a control freak that wants you up at 5am and doesn't tell you where you are going. Treats all grown adults like they are children. WOW! Now I know why I was being rude. I am forced t0 decline his kind offer. Sucks. would love to go, but there is no way I can subject my husband to my brother on a "holiday"... We'd both need another holiday upon our return. I really submerged those memories. Glad I had time to process this.

Hi sweetie!! You did indeed process the entire thing through. It wasn't as much the place as the place AND having to be there with a control freak? OOF - I can understand exactly how you feel. Love our rellies as we might, it doesn't mean we can travel with them. I remember trying to set up a long weekend retreat for my immediate family (including my dying father) and my only sibling making me totally nuts by requiring THIS amount of room and THESE amenities.... And this sibling refuses to get out of bed until noon: nope, it just wasn't going to work. Just give your regrets that you can't make it and let it go. The only reason I'd decide differently is if quality time with your brother was going to be rich/fun enough to override the cost/headaches involved?

In the past, the thing that always makes my sister & I typically 'cave' and reluctantly try vacationing with him, is that he calls the "we NEVER do anything as a family anymore!!!" card. We feel guilty. We go. It's HORRENDOUS to the point that it's VERY FUNNY, but, well, I'm getting a bit too old to see the humor when it's my limited money and more precious: my limited TIME! Live's too short to vacation with a dictator! ; ) I realize now too that my brother will simply be CRUSHED that we will decline. But I also know my husband would have a fit if he found out I knew my brother was a bit of a 'dic-tator' on holiday, and I never said anything about it. My husband gets 2 sick days and 10 vacation days a year. (So, if he is sick more than 2 days, it gets taken from vacation days!) His time is even more precious than mine to be spent on a vacation from hell! Can't and won't do this to him. Despite the fact I want 51 countries to match my 51 years. (This is tough for me, evil smile!)

I was almost finished with a very long response to your post, and accidently lost it before I could hit send. It may be just as well, having read your last post. Ecuador is one of my favorite countries. I was going to suggest you visit him for part of the time, and then continue on to some of the colonial cities and historic sites that I love. (I'm not a beach person myself, and would go crazy if confined to a beach resort.) Under the circumstances, you may be better off declining. Try to have a good enough reason that it won't hurt his feelings, and let him know how much you look forward to his return home. Good luck!

Yup - I totally get it. Group travel can be really difficult if everyone is not on the same page. It's one thing to just share a place with no agenda other than to meet at ____ for pre-dinner cocktails and dinner at ____ ,and every single moment being orchestrated? You have to give people space. It's especially uncomfortable if a control freak is picking up the tab so you feel obligated to tow the line and participate in all activities at the exact times scheduled? Especially if you have little vacation time to begin with?

It's especially uncomfortable if a control freak is picking up the tab so you feel obligated to tow the line and participate in all activities at the exact times scheduled? OH SO TRUE!!!!!!! Especially if you have little vacation time to begin with? OH SO TRUE AGAIN! Yeah. We are going to have to pass. THANKS!!!!

Happy day-after birthday, Pattypoo. :)

Thanks, Miss Kate! I'm I'Ming with brother's daughter / my niece... and we are both venting on traveling with my brother. She doesn't want to go either! He just get's all Head Master-ish. No one wants that on a vacation. If I had the money to rent a place, I'd tell the family: come / go as you please. One family dinner is going to be scheduled, however, on Such/Such date / time. Please leave that open.

An excellent plan, Patty. Everyone travels differently so flexibility is key. But that's a secret every good VT'er already knows, eh? :)

oh this is great you have worked out why you don't want to do it my bro and i get along fine if he drops in and i make him a coffee and we sit and chat while i knit get him out with his consumer hungry family anywhere where you can spend money and it is absolutely mayhem - i feel battered to bits

{red-faced!} Whoops - sorry! Think I got hold of the wrong end of the stick - please ignore my erroneous contibution (as you all did!). Sorry!

Dear Hexepatty: Sometimes writing a rude or angry letter and then throwing it away is a good way to vent. It gave me a smile to read this thread; been there, done that. So now for the letter that you should write. You want to express your love, (anxiety for his return, eagerness to see him home and appreciation of his generosity) but rule out Ecuador and all other vacation home type trips where he would be in charge without suggesting any criticism of his vacation style. You need to overwelm him with your objections and leave him in no doubt, because otherwise he may just change the venue or offer to pay for your tickets etc. making it just that much more embarassing to refuse. Having a sweet alternative like a family Christmas at your farm might make this easier to sell, but it is not necessary. ". . . Dear brother, you know that our vacation time is extremely limited (10 days max). We need this time every year to get away from schedules, friends, and everything normal about our lifestyle. We need the mental escape and enrichment of being able to just wander around with the only limits being our own financial and physical capacities. You have to admit that this is not your style or within the idea of time in a beach side vacation rental home or in an all-inclusive resort. If we had more time we would travel anywhere just to see you and your family, but to be frank, we mostly just want to see you home. . ." Then you might add that you would be happy to help him make any arrangements for his well deserved vacation. Good luck. From what you have shared, I expect your brother will be rather insistent in his generosity. For both your sakes, you must be strong.

Bob, your GOOD Faux Letter is so sweet, I got a little tear in my eye! heheheh... And not to worry. I will be strong! It's sad, but living on a small functioning farm, we don't have the excess money like I used to have. (It goes into the money pit that is our farm!) And weekends are often found with me knee deep in piles of cow poo. And I wish I was exagerating that visual. That said, it won't be hard for me to explain to him... times are tough and the demands of the land are many... What a wonderful Thanksgiving we shall all have! I will be happy when his bossy pants self gets back home -- and in one living piece!!!

>It's sad, but living on a small functioning farm, we don't have the excess money like I used to have. Maybe he's aware of that and thus his well-meaning generosity - however misguided?

His one year gig in Afghan. is paying well, Kate. He wants to do this for the family. I get this. Funny, now all the family is ka-***ing about Ecuador. They have issues with it. Frankly, I'd go to Tehran! I'll go ANYWHERE - ANYTIME. Never been pickey with "where".... I am getting a little more selective with "who with!" ; ) He's a good brother. Just a bossy-pants man!