Massachusetts Travel Forum

A quick update to the "Ben and Joe go to America and have the time of their lives saga"

Well, we have just discovered as of a few days ago that Joe is now 99% NOT GOING!!! I want to kill him, yes that is true, as he has had doubts about not going for months, but not had the guts to tell either Ben or me or the Uni. He has some reasons for not going, but I see them more as excuses than valid reasons.

Anyway, so that then leads to the question "Will Ben still go?" In a nutshell, Ben is very angry and upset, he says he still wants to go, although he knows it will not be as good as if he had his best friend (no longer his best friend) by his side. My husband and I have given him many options, but at this stage he still chooses to go. One option is to change air ticket dates (there will be a fee to do this) and just go for a holiday, that way we will lose about $1,500 (already paid out in visa fees etc and a Uni Housing cancellation fee for UMASS) but will not pay out an extra $15,000 if he goes for 4 months of Uni and does NOT have a good time. To me, that would be the best option, but if he chooses to go, then of course we support that as well. I am sure he will quickly make new friends at Uni, it will just be the 4 weeks from when Uni finishes to when he comes home that will be the difficult part, a few of his mates have been talking about going over for a few weeks then to meet up, so if that happened, well that would be great.

WHAT SHOULD HE DO? Can anyone at UMASS Amherst give me an idea as to whether a lone traveller from Australia is going to have a great time there???

Ben has his final pre-departure meeting at UOW tomorrow, so a firm decision needs to be made by him before then. I just wonder if Joe will turn up to face them?

I am extremely upset with Joe as the boys have been planning this "trip of a life time" for well over a year now. To say that Ben is upset with Joe, is an extreme understatement, let me tell you - he is furious! So much preparation has already gone into this trip, mainly by me, I feel maybe that Ben should still go. For sure, the first week or so will be hard, being by himself, and I know for a fact that I could never be a lone traveller. I see a lot of people in my travels, who do it alone and seem to enjoy it, and certainly meet lots of new people and make life-long friends along the way as well.

Should Ben still go?
Will he still have the time of his life, starting off by himself?
How easy/hard is it to travel alone?
Is it worthwhile for him to maybe join like a Contiki tour for his last 4 weeks?
The plan was to finish Uni on Dec 19th, then travel to New York, spend Christmas and New Years there, then somehow travel across America from East to West coast, end up in LA and have some fun there?
If he does go by himself, my goodness, that will be a huge learning curve for him, he will have to become very responsible and learn to do things for himself and by himself. I think it would be a good lesson in life.

Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated ......

I'd be steamed also. But- Amherst is a college town, used to kids coming from all over, by theirselves. He speaks English, will be exotic to Americans and with just a little effort will probably make lots of friends, perhaps even someone who may wish to travel with him near the end of his experience. If he still wants to go, it will truly be a great opportunity for growth for him.

Do you want him to go to have a good time or go to learn something? Which concerns you most? There are no guarantees that even if Joe were to go that they would remain friends, have a good time or learn anything.

Best of luck with your decision. My thoughts are with you in the hopes it will all work out well.

I haven't read the rest of your saga but I have traveled solo at around his age and was also unpleasantly surprised when my then best friend decided not to stay at the University with me a few hours after arriving and I was left with no roommate and all by myself at a big university. It certainly didn't kill me and I made friends and had a fine time. I wasn't terribly outgoing at the time (nor am I now) but I made friends that I still have to this day, young people tend to make friends quickly when they are at college, not all of them show up with their best friends in tow.

A lot depends on your son's personality, my husband traveled all over Europe when he was in his mid 20s, worked in London for awhile and then traveled much of the continent. It was the trip of a lifetime for him, I think the perfect time to do those kinds of trips is when you are young and adventurous and not adverse to sleeping in cheap accomodations.

It sounds like the University part is first and that he still wants to go, why not let him go and experience college in a different country? I would have loved to have that opportunity. And then worry about the travel at the end of semester.

When I was 19 i went to Europe for 3 months to travel with a friend. She almost immediately broke her leg and went home. I had the time of my life. It's kind of more fun to travel by yourself. It makes you very approachable. I met tons of people on that trip. People chatted with me in cafes and on trains much more readily than if I had been with someone. I say go for it.

Thankyou to Fran, Kristi and Linda for your reassuring comments.

We are in no way telling him he has to go or he shouldnt go. That decision is ultimately up to him. We just dont want him to feel that "he has to go" just because we have already done all the groundwork and will lose about $1,500 if he doesnt. I am sure that once he is settled in, he will indeed meet people, make friends and have the time of his life. At this stage, we are just exploring all options, and one option was that he doesnt do the uni bit and just goes for a holiday. He seems fairly clear that he still wants to go, and I am quite proud of him for saying that. I know, for myself personally, I would have many doubts and I am not sure I could travel overseas by myself for 5 months.

Anyway, Ill post what happens tomorrow. Once again, thanx for your answers :)

With and without my friend, I was still happy to be going away for school, I was on my own and mentally I was ready for that. After a few days, I just went on with my life. In hindsight, we wouldn't have made very good roommates, I tried living with her after college and it was miserable. I haven't spoken to her in 20 years, we just wanted very different things out of life. One door closes and another one opens, I suspect in 20 years Ben will look back like me and say it was for the best :-)

OK, Lindy,

first thing is to take a wee step back. I understand the financial commtment and the fact that your lad has had his "best mate" leave him in the lurch.

I do not know the whole ins and outs of this saga, nor do I know Ben obviously. What I would suggest is that, and much of this depends on your asssessment of his maturity (I am guessing about 18 or 19 years old?. He will gain an awful lot from overseas travel at that age. I wish I had had the opportunity to do it.

If Ben is naturally greagarious and sociable, he should have no problem at all. As previous posters have said, it is a college / Uni environment, and there are bound to be other youngsters in the same position. Let's be brutally honest here. Is your best friend now the person you had as a best friend at that age? If so, you are lucky. At that age, frinedships are made and broken very quickly.

If the Uni system is anything like it is in the UK, the first week will be given over (apart from huge amounts of drinking!) to getting pwople to join up to societies. Get him to join whatever society(ies) interests him and he will automatically have a new social circle.

Far be it from me, who has never fathered a child, to give you advice, but I really think you are worrying unecessarily. Travel is probably the best thing any young person can do, and I am sure if you let him go, he will have an absolute ball. Youngsters are a damn sight more resilient than I think we sometimes give them credit for. It is a wonderful opportunity and I have no doubt he will embrace it fully. You will probably end up over the next few years with a succession of students from all over the world sleeping on your living room floor!

Hope this assists,

fergy.

I share your concern - as mother of two sons who were that age once. Most of their travelling was done with groups, so I was never faced with your dilemma. I think your son would be OK - and probably the better for the experience. As you said, it's up to him.

Remember that I know a fellow starting at UMASS at the same time. If nothing else, he would be one person that isn't a total stranger. Brendan's a very nice kid and probably wouldn't mind helping out with any questions your son had once he arrived in America.

Good luck. I'm sure it will work out the way it's supposed to.

Thankyou June for your comment I think only a mother will understand where I am coming from, you know with the whole "Im worrried" thing. Ben turns 21 in 2 days, but he is still my first-born baby! And I will always worry about him. And why wouldnt I be concerned if he was travelling half way around the world "by himself". I know he will have a good time. I know he will make friends. I know it will be a life-changing experience for him. But ... I will still worry. Through mostly my part, I have always done too much for all of our 3 children, and my husband always tells me that! That is just who I am, and I dont think I can change that. But, when Ben is in America, there will be very little I can do for him then!

Anyway, I have talked to him a bit more today and he is pretty sure he still wants to go, and as I have said, I think that is fantastic. Tomorrow at 12.30 is the Uni final pre-departure meeting, so I will know a lot more after that.

Lindy, we never stop thinking about our kids. My younger son (for some unknown reason to me) has taken up motorcycle trips. This is after he gave up his small airplane a few years ago. He's the father of two! I try not to think about what he's doing but he's still my child. Twenty-one is time enough to go off and see some of the world. Ben will be fine.

Just come back from the pre-departure meeting, there was no Joe there. He is not going.

Ben still happy to go, I hope he has the absolute time of his life, I know he will mature very quickly, make life-long friends and create unforgettable memories. My baby turns 21 in 2 days, Im hoping he wins $90million in Oz Lotto tonight!!!!!

I hope he shares the money if he wins... with you!

Heck, I got married first time when I was 21. Of course, I didn't know much of the world, but I thought I did. I'm glad to hear your son is going to the States. He'll love it.

June, we wont be sharing nothing, cos we won zero!

I was married at age 20!!! Its funny cos I think of Ben being nowhere near ready for marriage and committment, I guess everyone is different.

Yes, Im glad he is going as well, and Im hoping he has resolved that he will have loads of fun.

OK, I didn't read all the replies and actually I didn't understand everything in your original post. Is he going for some short summer course at the University? Doesn't matter, my advice is the same.

Tell him to go. Go,go,go! After he gets there he will have the time of his life. He can meet new people.

A piece of advice, try to have him go with a positive frame of mind and a sense of adventure.

Thanx Donna for your advice. He is going for a semester at the Uni - about 4 months duration, then travelling for a month. He is 100% adamant that he will go and have a good time, although for the past year or so, the planning has involved 2 people, so I think its natural for him to be a little shell-shocked, upset and angry. I am positive tho that over the next 2 months before he leaves, his frame of mind will become more positive - yes ... I am sure of that. After all, he is getting a 5 month trip in America - who wouldnt be positive about that?! He has a couple mates who are very very keen to come over when Uni finishes and spend Christmas and NYs with him, so Im happy about that.

Thankyou all for your advice and positive thoughts - they are really appreciated.