Miscellaneous Forum

Last night I was thinking about my last trip to France and how completely marred it was by the friend I went with. He bascially invited himself, changed all our plans to accomodate his schedule, and then spent the entire time whining non-stop, eventually blowing up at me at the airport when I said I thought our bags were coming down one chute and they ended up coming down another (which was right next to the first one). Keep in mind that he was broke at the time and I paid for the apartment we stayed in!!!

Has anyone ever had the same experience? What did you do about it afterwards? My friend and I no longer speak so I'm curious to know how other people who had this experience handled it.

I have had several experiences over the years including 'friends' who stayed at the family home and other adventures. Friends share, contribute, tell the truth, and are a joy. People who end up making your life a misery and/or freeload are just that - freeloaders. Freeloaders are mild psychopaths who are not far removed from mass murderers. They only value themselves. They see you as weak and stupid. When you dare to stand up for yourself they become very angry. How dare you talk to a superior!

Once burned - forever learned. They aren't friends. Ditch 'em.

My friend Angela had a problem traveling with her friend Franca. Angela is very fun loving and outgoing. Franca is very introverted and acts like an old lady even though she's in her thirties. Every night Franca wanted to be done with dinner and back at the hotel at 6pm and ready for bed. Angela wasn't suggesting an all night adventure or party ..just to walk around and take in some nightlife. They wound up arguing and not speaking after the trip. That was one way to kill a friendship. As a warning...make sure you have similar traveling styles before booking a trip together.

"They only value themselves."

You sure got that right!

I had a holiday with a close friend and found her to be a nightmare in such close proximity. You really see the true personality in confinement and stressful situations, I did. We came home and met up once afterwards but I had seen a new side of her and didn't like it enough to maintain the friendship. Haven't seen her since. I'm careful who I travel with ever since :o)

When I went to Germany for World Youth Day in 2005 (with a big group of people from the diocese), one of my friends joined the group late but I don't think she should have been there at all. Mainly because she's very close-minded about food. Once, when a group of us wanted to get some supper, we were standing in front of a restaurant and I said "let's go in there" and she just said "I checked, it's sketchy" but it was obvious she had never even looked at the place. She was making excuses, and in the end we ended up going to McDonald's (and standing in a huge lineup) because she was too picky about food. This is the same person who screamed and acted as though I was trying to poison her when I tried to convince her to try the guacamole I made for a potluck at another friend's house.

I picked up 3 hitchhikers last year in Namibia. A couple from France and a lady from South Korea. Always had their money ready and helped with everything. We shared food, booze, campsite etc. Great folks.

When I went skydiving they had all my posessions and even car keys. I told them it was their if anything happened! They did take some good pics of me (with my camera!).

I get the food thing at work. This job and the last. We cn only have a chineese meal or Indian. Never anythin else. In both jobs it was one sad person dictating to more than 10. One guy (who was in the Royal NAvy for years) would only eat chineese and made 20 of us eat the same every month for our monthly overnight. I and 2 others finally stopped going with the group and ate elsewhere. We alwyas went to new places but got labelled as anti-social!

Here's how to handle it:

TAKE ME NEXT TIME!! >:D

I like my friends and want to keep them ... which is why I rarely travel with them!

Spending over a month travelling with a friend many years ago cured me of wanting a companion along for the ride. We got on each others' nerves ... and ended up losing contact (unfortunately) after returning home. Now I just make 'friends' along the way and I'm still in touch with some of them.

The only trips I take with my partner are to the U.S. - he's the driver. Otherwise I go it alone and enjoy freedom from the whims of others.

These really made me laugh--looks like everyone had a story at the ready, huh? Interesting to see mine was not the only friendship that ended up being a left on the plane, so-to-speak.

By the way, did I mention that this person wanted to spend an entire day in Paris in a cafe---READING A BOOK?!?!? Who goes to France for a week and spends a full day reading?

Ed, I'd be happy to take you next time as long as you promise to leave the books at home!!!

I bet we get more answers to this by the time all is said and done!
C

I never bring books, I'll eat anything, and I never complain. :D

Bad habits include: a travel partner looking around for me only to find me sitting on a patio down the street happily drinking a beer and people watching.

One of my best girlfriends from college came out to the Pacific Northwest, where we did a week-long road trip. It turned out that she had recently become a strict vegan (no meat/seafood/dairy/eggs), and was in quite a proselytizing mode toward my eating habits -- I'm an omnivore, and especially like my seafood and gourmet cheeses and meats. After our first dinner out, she announced that my eating tastes made her "sick" and "nauseous." OK, so was I supposed to morph into a vegan to suit her? I suggested we eat dinners separately, so then she went searching for a vegan restaurant everywhere (ha! try finding that in the middle of Idaho), while I enjoyed my steak or trout at the local eatery. Every stop was the same -- all the other diners around made her "sick." So, she flew home feeling "sick," and I drove home feeling healthy. But it was a miserable trip and our friendship was sickened forever.

I'm going back to Italy this September or October by myself, but I think you guys have cured me of looking for a travel partner for a trip to South America next year. I was thinking about going with a coworker, but after reading these posts I think I may have to reconsider. We get along great at work, but I think our personalities outside the office are too different to make the trip work. I really don't want to end up posting a story!

These are making me laugh out loud. Wouldn't you think that someone would say they didn't eat meat before going on a trip?

I have a friend who is a vegetarian, but he doesn't preach about it to the rest of us. He just avoids meat on his own, and doesn't expect our friends to follow his meatless diet (though he still eats most seafood, eggs, and dairy).

I've spent some time reading while traveling, but the reading materials had to do with the trips I was taking. For example - I bought the Spanish translation of a Harry Potter book while I was in Salamanca and started reading it there (also read it a bit in Seville) to improve my Spanish. I also bought/read a book about flamenco in Seville.

I'll admit I read on vacation sometimes, too, but I would never take a whole day of a short vacation to do it. Plus, you were reading to try and improve your language skills--that makes sense to me. He was reading in English! And he doesn't even read at home!

I guess it's not that bad--maybe I just wanted to vent! ;)

Excellent words DAO >>Friends share, contribute, tell the truth, and are a joy. People who end up making your life a misery and/or freeload are just that - freeloaders<<

The first year my husband was not able to travel I asked his brother's wife to come with me. I will spare you the details, but she's the reason I have found the joy of traveling by myself!

My mother-in-law took up a tour offer of providing a room mate to offset the single supplement a couple of times. It proved a 50/50 choice - the first time was a total disaster and ruined her vacation but she opted to do it again and made a long-time friend the second time around. They continued to take trips together until she was confined to a nursing home.

Personally, I wouldn't want to share a room with a complete stranger.

I did a trip with a close friend once and it went okay. I'm very forgiving and non-confrontational while she's very assertive and demanding. Between the two of us, it actually worked out well. We managed to temper each other.

Sounds like your friend was a bit of a hothead...and a sponge!

Courtney, what I can't understand is why you put up with him, or did he have some redeeming features ?

Well, it was one of those "just make the best of a bad situation" situations, if that makes sense. To tell you the truth, I barely knew what hit me--one minute I told him I was going, the next he was going, too and had changed all my plans, including my flight! I found out later it was so he could cash in on his frequent flier miles--and I ended up paying about $100 more than I was going to and I had to make a stop in Chicago--my original flight was direct! I get angry just thinking about it!

Next time I post a forum question like this, someone stop me! ;)

Having a good rant on the forum is very therapeutic and costs a lot less than a therapist :)

Yes, but it's my job to delete people for doing that! ;)

I too am very careful who I travel with. You should be able to ascertain any foibles your friends have before you decide to have them travel with you. It is also a good idea to review your own idiosyncrasies. Set down some basic rules between you before travelling. Having been a tour operator I saw some quite remarkable performances over the years. One problem I had to handle fairly frequently was late starters. These are the ones who are never ready at the appointed time. The fix is to politely remind them that being 15 minutes late is 15 minutes x by the number of people waiting. If this doesn't work move off to a nearby site or attraction then go back and collect them when you are ready.The thing you cannot do is give into unacceptable behaviour but be sure it is generally acknowledged as "unacceptable"

Before committing yourself to the company of "friends" on the big trip OS give it a trial at home for a couple of weekends well before you commit. Rent a small boat together for a couple of days or live in a caravan or small cabin somewhere so you get to share each others personal spaces. Money is another source of disharmony. If you have different budgets forget it. Thankfully, my travelling companion of 40 years shares similar likes/dislikes and the same bank account!

So far, I have been lucky enough to travel with like minded persons.
But last week, a group staying in the same inn as my group cut short their exploration of Angkor Wat because one of their members won't cooperate. :) One guy who wanted to go was so fed up that he gave us all his bottled water (liters of it) and told us that he's going home!
Why are there people who seem to thrive on making others miserable?

After backpacking around Thai/Laos & Cambodia a friend and I planed two weeks of five star luxury in Ko Samui Thailand. One of our friends who had never travelled before invited herself along for the luxury part of the trip but after two days was "over Asian food", was suffering culture shock and decided that she could not afford any to do anything. Never again.

I'd like to make a plea against the notion that someone who's a bad travel companion can't be your friend anymore.
In 1987 I took a five week road trip in Italy with a friend and it took us the better part of a year to be able to speak to each other again when we got back. We drove each other nuts. It was disastrous, but only because we were incompatible in our travel styles and fed up with being in such close quarters for so long. The disaster was situational, and the stresses of traveling together bring out personality quirks and anxieties that just aren't relevant to everyday life. I'm sure he would think I was just as impossible as I thought he was.
That being said, I would NEVER travel with him again unless there were very strict ground rules, and I think he would agree.

Another story:

On my first trip to Spain (in Salamanca), I was there to take a course at the University of Salamanca and I went with a group of people from my home university (my professor too - she organized the whole thing). Anyway, we lived with host families and I was roommates with someone from my group. We thought it would be great since we get along well in class, but we ended up not being compatible as roommates at all. First of all, there was a big age difference - I was 19 and she was 26. I loved going out at night and she preferred to go to bed early. I was much more energetic than she was and it drove her nuts even though I did my best not to be too annoying. Also, she got sick during the middle of the trip (and because of that, she ended up missing on a weekend in Barcelona that a small group of us planned - she was very bitter about it), and I think that also made her cranky.

Near the end of the trip, the whole group of us wanted to go out to the discos and party all night, and I was really excited about it since I loved the nightlife in Salamanca. Anyway, another girl in the group got too drunk early on and we ended up having to cut the night short to take her home (I hate it when one person's recklessness ruins the fun for everyone). I was bitter about it since it was our last night in Salamanca so on the taxi ride back home, I started mumbling about the night being ruined, she got angry and yelled at me. I didn't mean to make anyone miserable, I was just angry at how our last night in Salamanca had turned out (and it wasn't even my fault - it was someone else who decided to have a drinking contest with a guy in our group and ruined the night by getting drunk out of her mind). Anyway, I apologized and a few days later (we spent a little time in Madrid before flying home) when we were about to go to the airport, she told me that she still likes me as a person, we both agreed that we're just not compatible as roommates.

About reading on trips:
Sometimes when I'm on an extended trip, especially if I'm alone, I need a vacation from the vacation. I remember sitting at the top of Cortona's mountain reading a novel, with all of Tuscany and Umbria at my feet. It seemed slighly mad, but the fact was I was just footsore and exhausted from looking at endless gorgeous things and doing everything in Italian, and I needed to check out for a couple of hours.